This is one of a series of short articles on holding difficult conversations. Ki In previous times, I suggested ways to open communications that generate mutual respect, spoke of the importance of knowing your purpose for the conversation, adding that research and curiosity of our toolbox talk. Here the theme is defense.

The promotion is the other face of research - an opportunity that opens for you to tell your past history. What you can see from their point of view you have? Could you clarify your position without minimizing theirs? For example: .. "From what I've said, I can see how he came to the conclusion that I am not a team player and I think I am when they have trouble with a project, I'm thinking about your long-term success. I do not mean to be a critical, but may not sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to solve these problems for my intention is clear. "

Councils to share their side of things:

• Expect to provide your side until your partner has expressed all their energy on the subject. Make sure you are finished.
• Remember your purpose for the conversation. It's easy to get on a tangent, is reactive, and lose their shape. Knowing and return to an end in difficult times.
• Do not assume. To tell their story, go slow, be clear, and not assume we know what things it seems that from his point of view.
• Teach, not preach. Observe the desire of his "sell" your partner in its history. Simply indicate how things look from your side.
• Listen to yourself and try not to use words that your partner will react defensively. You want him to hear, so use words that can hear.
• Share data rather than subjective interpretations. "When I walked by me and said nothing" is a fact. "When I made the case" is a subjective interpretation.

The most important thing is to speak with respect. Aikido on the mat, we bow to your partner before you begin and end each technique. Imagine bending your partner before you begin the conversation. As they begin to lose their center, think about it, and remember that you defend better when you respect your partner's history.

Good luck and good communication!