When your spouse is demanding a separation or is pulling away , and you don't want it, there is a discord . There is unpleasantness. There is real stress . I have invented the theory of applying the push pull strategy , where one spouse uses the power, force and pressure of the other spouse to their own advantage, and to the disadvantage of their partner . We cannot achieve good harmony with our partner as long as this feuding is going on, as long as you communicate to them that you want something different from what they want. When the other partner is pulling away from you or wanting a split or wanting to leave, they are almost typically on the opposite side of any fence that they perceive you as being on. So use the push/pull. Agree with them. Now, here are a few ideas and strategies all under the guise of the jujitsu technique. 1. You need to remember to Stop pressuring, stop complaining, cease criticizing, just stop it and you will save your marriage!2. Try agreeing with whatever your spouse wants or does. You see, when one other half has a closed mind and is leaving the other, they are in love with their negative feelings. So they put their negative feelings in charge of the door to their mind. Therefore when you try to reason with them, you're confirming to them that their negative feelings are wrong . That causes their negative feelings to slam the door tighter. You must try to agree with your spouse's negative feelings - whatever they may be. "I agree, this union is hopeless. " "Yes I agree, you will not be able to trust me. That is exactly correct. " You must never defend yourself. Always agree, act sincere, and stay quiet and you may no longer have to say, please save my marriage. 3. Try acting quite happy about everything. Enjoy your solitude. Take advantage of your freedom. Tell your loved one that they are correct - Agree with them, and be happy about whatever it is that they request . This uses the push/pull technique , which is effective . But , do not do this for a short while and then return back over to your regular pressuring self. Don't do it, it wont work for you. And don't do it early in a heart to heart and then slip back to explaining yourself about what you need and why you did what you did. Try consistency with this. No pressure at all . Of course, this does not mean any contact. If you are separated from your partner , you can call and say hello, practice small chat and happy talk. Remember, the secret to this is, small talk, happy talk. stop divorce
August 26, 2009, 04:08:52 AM